It’s just that simple, boys. If you want a wife, forget everything you knew. Forget everything you’ve been taught by movies, books, father-figures, and your Bible. Cause if you want a wife, you’re going to have to make yourself fit into her cardboard cutout ideal of what a perfect husband is. There’s a lot I could say on this because, well, there’s a lot we require. But I’m just going to give you the necessary basics.
- Don’t have any debt. Not even for a second. Do you feel called to go get a degree in petroleum engineering and are prompted to take out a loan because He’s promised to provide? Well, sorry. Find a less expensive calling, please.
- Virgin. It doesn’t matter if you became a Christian five seconds ago, you better have been saving yourself this whole time. No take-backs with boo boos like that. Sorry, sinner.
- It’s time to put your ma on the back burner. Ignore that text. Cut that tie. Why? Because it will drive us crazy if you don’t.
And there you have it! The all-encompassing life formula for being the ultimate husband for your future housewife.
…See how ridiculous that is?
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